Managers, Firefighters, Exiles and the Self – Introduction to the different parts and aspects of our system in IFS

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach rooted in the understanding that our minds are composed of various subpersonalities or "parts". The core of IFS is building a compassionate relationship with all our parts, which in turn allows our parts to transform and unburden, and start working as a cohesive whole, with our Self in the lead.

In this article I’ll introduce the three different types of parts in IFS: Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles. I’ll also talk about the concept of Self, the innate essence of us that is not a part.

Managers: Proactive Stabilisers

Managers are proactive parts that strive to maintain stability and control in our lives. They often focus on preventing emotional pain or disruption by keeping things in order. Their primary goal is to create safety by organizing, planning, and controlling. Managers are always looking ahead, anticipating challenges, and creating strategies to avoid distress. They work hard to keep us out of vulnerable or chaotic situations. Often, these parts feel like they are us, making it hard to distinguish their voice from our core Self.

Managers might show up as perfectionism, over-planning, or self-criticism, but their ultimate aim is to keep us safe from pain.

In IFS therapy, we often start with getting to know our Managers. We’ll start to understand more about their role in our system and how they’re trying to help us navigate life. As we build trust with Managers, we’ll be able to slowly start getting to know other parts of the system as well.

Firefighters: Reactive Soothers

Firefighters are reactive parts that step in when emotional pain from Exiles is triggered, often with the goal of distracting or soothing us as quickly as possible. They use distraction or numbing techniques to protect us from overwhelming feelings. Unlike Managers, Firefighters are focused on the immediate moment, acting swiftly to put out emotional “fires.” These parts often act impulsively, driven by the urgency to alleviate discomfort. Their methods can include suppressing or hiding painful emotions.

Firefighters might lead us to behaviors like overeating, scrolling endlessly on social media, or engaging in unhealthy substance use. Though these actions can feel harmful or shameful, Firefighters are simply trying to shield us from unbearable feelings.

Exiles: The Vulnerable Ones

Exiles are parts that hold our deepest pain, often stemming from past wounds, traumas, or unmet needs. These parts carry the emotional burdens that Managers and Firefighters work so hard to protect us from. They carry the weight of unprocessed emotions like shame, fear, or grief. Exiles are rooted in earlier experiences, often reliving the pain of the past. When triggered, they can flood us with emotion, which is why other parts strive to keep them hidden. Managers and Firefighters often suppress Exiles to prevent their pain from surfacing.

Healing in IFS often involves building trust with Exiles, allowing them to share their stories and unburden their pain.

The Role of the Self

At the centre of the IFS model is the Self—a core state of calm, compassion, and clarity that exists within all of us. The Self is not a part but rather the innate essence of who we are. When we lead from the Self, we can interact with our parts in a curious and loving way, creating more harmony in our system.

In a balanced system, Managers and Firefighters recognise they don’t have to work so hard to protect us. Exiles feel safe enough to emerge and share their burdens. The Self becomes the leader, providing guidance and reassurance to all parts.

Why Understanding Parts Matters

When we understand the roles and intentions of our parts, it becomes easier to approach them with compassion rather than judgment. Each part is trying to protect us in the only way it knows how. By connecting with parts from our Self, we can help these parts find new, healthier ways of supporting us.

If you’re interested in exploring your own parts and discovering the power of Self-leadership, therapy through the IFS model can be a transformative experience. Feel free to book a free consultation to learn more about how I work with clients through using this approach.