Getting to Know Your Parts: A Step-by-Step Guide to Protector Interviews

Have you ever felt like there are different voices inside your head, each with its own thoughts, feelings, and intentions? If so, you're not alone. These inner voices, often referred to as "parts" in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, play a significant role in shaping our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.

Understanding and getting to know these parts is a fundamental aspect of IFS therapy. In this article, you’ll get to know the concept of protector parts and you’ll a step-by-step guide to conducting protector interviews—a powerful technique for discovering and understanding your own protectors.

Understanding Protector Parts

Protectors are a category of parts within the IFS model. These parts have taken on specific roles with the intention of safeguarding us from perceived threats. They are like the guardians of our inner world, working tirelessly to shield us from emotional pain, trauma, or anything they believe might harm us.

Protectors can manifest in various ways, and you may be familiar with some of them. Common protector parts include the inner critic, the perfectionist, the caretaker, the skeptic, and the controller. Each protector has its own unique strategies and beliefs about how to keep us safe.

For example, your inner critic might constantly judge and criticize you, thinking that by doing so, it can prevent others from criticising you first. Your perfectionist may push you to achieve unrealistic standards, believing that perfection will shield you from rejection or failure. These protectors operate with the best of intentions, even if their methods sometimes lead to self-sabotage or inner conflict.

What are exiles?

To fully grasp the role of protector parts, it's essential to understand the concept of exiles. Exiles are types of parts that hold the emotional pain, memories, and traumatic experiences that we've endured throughout our lives, often dating back to childhood. These experiences may include painful memories of rejection, abandonment, abuse, or any event that left us feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope.

Protector parts respond to these exiled parts' pain and vulnerability. They take on specific roles and strategies to prevent the reemergence of these painful feelings and memories. It's as if protectors stand at the gates of our inner world, ensuring that exiles remain hidden and protected from further harm. They believe that by doing so, they are safeguarding us from experiencing the pain and distress associated with these exiled emotions and memories.

The Importance of Protector Interviews

Conducting protector interviews is a crucial step in IFS therapy, as it allows you to establish a deeper connection with your protectors, understand their positive intentions, and work towards harmony within your internal system.

By doing in protector interviews, you can start getting to know these parts in a new way. Once you can hear directly from them, you can start to understand why each protector behaves the way it does. You'll uncover their beliefs about how they're helping you and learn about their fears and concerns.

One of the goals of IFS therapy is to help your parts trust you as the leader of your system. Protector interviews facilitate this process by building trust and rapport with your parts, creating a safe space for them to share their experiences.

By interviewing your protectors, you can start getting a sense of the exiles they’re protecting. Building trust with your protectors will help pave the way to eventually healing your exiles. Not having to protect exiled parts is ultimately what enables protectors to take on new helpful roles.

Step-by-Step Guide to Protector Interviews

1. Identify the Protector You Want to Interview

Reflect on a specific protector that you'd like to connect with. It could be one whose actions or thoughts frequently trouble you or one you're curious to understand better.

2. Unblend from Other Parts

Before initiating a protector interview, check how you feel towards the protector you want to engage with. When we connect with a part, we want to do so from a place of Self energy – a state that is innate to all of us. Self energy is characterised by the 8C’s: calm, compassion, curiosity, courage, creativity, clarity, connectedness, confidence. You don’t need to feel all of these feelings at once; even feeling a small amount of curiosity is enough for you to start getting to know a part.

If you sense resistance, fear, or any other “negative” emotion or belief, this indicates the presence of another part that needs attention first. You might need to ask this reluctant part to step aside temporarily. If the part doesn’t want to step back, you can do the protector interview with this part instead.

3. Connecting with the Protector

See if you get a sense of the part’s presence. You might see it, feel it in your body, or sense its presence somewhere around you. Let the part know that you’re curious to learn more about it and see how it reacts. You might hear the part speak, see an image, or just get a sense of the part’s energy.

3. Initiating the Conversation

If the part is open to connecting with you, let the part know that your intention is to understand its role better and ask if it is open to telling you more about itself.

4. Exploring the Protector's Role

Start by asking open-ended questions to explore the protector's role and intentions. Encourage it to share its perspective and insights. For instance:

• "What is your role in my life?"

• "How are you trying to protect me?"

• “How long have you had this role?”

• “What made you take it on?”

• "What are you hoping to achieve?"

• "What are you afraid would happen if you didn't do this job?"

After you ask a question, just wait and see what comes up. The part might communicate through words, images, sensations or memories. You might also find it helpful to give the part a voice through writing the answers to these questions.

5. Listening with Compassion

As the protector speaks, remember that the protector's actions, no matter how challenging they may seem, originate from a place of positive intent. If you notice parts that get critical or reactive, ask them if they can give you space so you can continue learning about the protector from a place of openness and curiosity.

6. Acknowledging and Validating

Ensure that the protector feels heard and acknowledged. Validate its efforts and intentions, even if you don't fully agree with its methods.

7. Expressing Gratitude

As the interview concludes, express gratitude once again for the protector's willingness to communicate. Assure it that you are committed to working together towards the well-being of your entire internal system.

The aim of a protector interview is not to force the protector to relinquish its role but to build trust and collaboration. By approaching this process with patience and compassion, you will pave the way for more healing in the future.